Bus Drama

Dear Lila,

We thought you being a camp bus monitor would be pretty straightforward and uneventful. We were wrong.

During the second week of camp, the regular bus driver was out one day and the substitute driver showed up with a handicapped bus, which only had three seats. There are about a dozen kids on your bus so three seats that each fit two kids = not enough seats. You texted this info to me and I told you to call the camp immediately, as making kids stand up while driving on the highway for an hour and a half = soooo not safe. The administrator at camp instructed the bus driver to wait at the next stop until the bus company could send a new bus that would accommodate all of the kids. In the end, it worked out. A mom at the next stop bought everyone Munchkins to snack on while you all waited for the replacement bus and you were only an hour late for camp that day. As an apology for the inconvenience, the camp even gave everyone on the bus a $100 credit and a coupon for a free camp T-shirt.

Then today, you noticed that one of the kids, a young 9-year-old boy, seemed really upset. You asked him what was wrong and he eventually told you what was bothering him: he said his archery teacher had told him to kill himself and then aimed the arrow at his heart. Um, what now? You have the same archery teacher and you said that didn't sound like her at all but the boy had made a pretty serious accusation, so you emailed the bus administrator and also messaged the boy's dad. The administrator said she would talk to the deans immediately. The dad talked to the boy and discovered that he had made the story up because he had broken a rule in class and the teacher had made him sit in time-out. You emailed the administrator about this and she thanked you for the update. The dad said he talked to his son about the fact that words have consequences. He also said you did the right thing.

Whew, that was more drama than expected and way above your pay grade! I'm proud of you for handling each situation gracefully. I'm also glad that you came to me for advice on how to deal with both issues. Please know that I will always be here for you and try to help if I can!

Love,

Mom

First Job

Dear Lila,

You got your first job! You are going to Usdan for camp this summer and they asked if you'd like to be a bus monitor. The duties are pretty straightforward: greet campers as they board the bus, set a good example while riding the bus, take attendance and submit it when you arrive at camp. You're going to get paid at the end of the session. Congrats on your first paying gig!

Love,

Mom

Getting Older and Hopefully Wiser

Dear Lila,

You are 13 years old and not at all thinking about aging (nor should you be) but when that day eventually comes, I want you to remember these points I recently read in an article:

-"Stop telling a woman 'You look younger' or 'You look good for your age.' It's not a compliment."

-"We look our age not because we've let ourselves go but because we've finally let ourselves be."

-"Aging is not ugly. Aging is powerful."

-"None of us knows our timeline and if we see each day of life as a gift, the more days we've lived, the better."

I am turning 45 this year. Some people lie about their age or are shy to admit it. I will never be one of those people. Aging is a privilege and when you one day in the (very distant) future start seeing more wrinkles and gray hairs in the mirror, I hope you will remember that. Don't chase youth. Chase happiness.

Love,

Mom

Badge of Honor

Dear Lila,

I received this email from the head of the upper school today:

*****

Dear Parents and Guardians,

Congratulations! We are pleased to share that your child has been selected for induction into the National Junior Honor Society at Garden School.

This recognition reflects not only strong academic achievement, but also the character, leadership, service, and commitment your child has demonstrated within our community. Admission into NJHS is a meaningful accomplishment, and we are proud to celebrate these students and all they contribute to Garden each day.

*****

Congratulations, Lilabear! I am so proud of you and all of your hard work!

Love,

Mom

Leggo My Eggo

Dear Lila,

Our fridge stopped working way back in October and we had to use three mini fridges in the meantime until a repair person could come and diagnose the problem/order the new part/receive the new part/come back to the house only to learn that it wasn't the right part/order the correct new part/find a new time to come replace the part/blah blah blah (do all appliance repairs have to be so lengthy and complicated???). While it was great that we at least had mini fridges to use, they were in fact mini and organizing all of the food that is usually needed for our family of six was a daily game of Tetris. We had to pack everything in just so and honestly, sometimes I wanted hummus, but I decided against it because removing the 10 items in front of the hummus, getting the hummus, and then putting those 10 items back was simply not worth it just for hummus.

The freezer compartment in the mini fridge was also the size of a shoebox so we only kept the essentials on hand in there: frozen fruit and vegetables. That meant no ice cream, no popsicles, no frozen waffles. You guys are fortunate enough to have a mother who bakes pumpkin bread, blueberry muffins and other delicious from-scratch things for breakfast but I guess sometimes kids just want a processed, factory-made frozen hockey puck of a breakfast pastry; after the repair person finally fixed our fridge this week, Daddy bought a box of Eggo frozen waffles and you and your siblings were legit so excited to have them for breakfast. Excuse me while I go cry in the bathroom.

Love,

Mom

Future Wolverine

Dear Lila,

Well, today was the day. Your life revolved around the SHSAT for so many months and the results finally came out this afternoon. We promised to check the results together so OF COURSE today was a day that you had to stay late at school for clubs and Daddy had to stay late at work. Once the results were emailed at 3pm, I saw parents on the SHSAT Facebook groups immediately discussing them and the fact that I could physically log in to your account to check whether you got in yet morally could not nearly KILLED ME. Oh my god, the suspense!

Eventually, you and Daddy both came home, you signed into your account and . . . you got into Bronx Science!!! Daddy went there and GuhGaw goes there and now we will be sending a third Chan there! Getting into Bronx Science is a huge accomplishment and I am so proud of you! However, your immediate reaction was sadly not one of excitement because you really had your heart set on going to Stuyvesant. You really thought you were going to get in and the worst part is that you actually only missed the cutoff to Stuy by several points.

Oh my sweet girl, I hated seeing how disappointed you were. You worked and hoped so hard for Stuy and I know how crushed you must feel. I hugged and comforted you for awhile and you also talked to your friends. By the end of the night, you said you felt better, though I'm not sure if you were just saying that. I know the pain will feel sharp for a little bit but once it wears off, I hope you can truly be happy and proud of yourself for getting into one of the top schools in the city. It's not your first choice but it's still an excellent school and many kids have thrived there. I hope you will be one of them.

Love,

Mom

You're Thirteen Years Old!

Dear Lila,

This past semester, you spent countless hours attending SHSAT prep classes, working on assignments and taking practice tests to prepare for the notoriously difficult exam. You also submitted applications to TWENTY-TWO public and Catholic high schools (in comparison, I only applied to a total of six colleges). On top of all that, you still had, you know, actual school, but you didn't let anything slip: You completed all of your assignments on time, scored either 100% or very close to 100% on all of your tests and earned straight A's on your report card. And if that wasn't enough, you also played on the school volleyball team, took part in an AI programming class every Sunday and were a member of the Model UN, Diversity AND Key clubs.

Whew! I got tired just typing all of that but you, my amazing girl, successfully kept all of those many plates spinning without dropping a single one. I am in complete awe of you! You work so hard, never back down from challenges and always push yourself to do your best. You were under a lot of pressure these past few months, and I know some tears were shed and nerves were shot, but you handled all of it with such grace and maturity.

You asked me a few weeks ago if I'd be disappointed if you didn't get into an SHS. Of course, I'd be disappointed--you are amazing and deserve a spot at one of the best high schools in the city. But I wouldn't be disappointed in you. I couldn't be disappointed in you. You are so smart and perceptive and you have so much drive and determination. I know you will accomplish great things no matter which school you attend.

I am incredibly proud that you are my daughter. Not only are you one of the most hardworking people I know, you are genuinely kind, respectful and helpful. You are so sweet to everyone, considerate of others' feelings and even with your massive to-do list, you still help me so much with household chores and taking care of your siblings.

I can't believe you are officially a teenager today. I miss your baby years, the days when you could fit in my lap and when you were still short enough for me to see the top of your head, haha! When I hug you now, I literally have to stand on my toes! However, I do truly love this new stage where you and I can (and often do) stay up late talking and laughing for hours. You have a lot of interesting insights and we share a similar sarcastic sense of humor, so talking to you is a lot of fun. I love that you and I also share a lot of the same interests--books, shopping for clothes and perfume, Korean skincare, going on food crawls, playing Taboo--and that we bond over those. You are no longer my baby girl but you are now my daughter who is also my friend and I am so grateful for you. Happy 13th birthday, Lilabear! I love you so very much!

Love,

Mom