First Job

Dear Lila,

You got your first job! You are going to Usdan for camp this summer and they asked if you'd like to be a bus monitor. The duties are pretty straightforward: greet campers as they board the bus, set a good example while riding the bus, take attendance and submit it when you arrive at camp. You're going to get paid and everything. Congrats on your first paying gig!

Love,

Mom

Getting Older and Hopefully Wiser

Dear Lila,

You are 13 years old and not at all thinking about aging (nor should you be) but when that day eventually comes, I want you to remember these points I recently read in an article:

-"Stop telling a woman 'You look younger' or 'You look good for your age.' It's not a compliment."

-"We look our age not because we've let ourselves go but because we've finally let ourselves be."

-"Aging is not ugly. Aging is powerful."

-"None of us knows our timeline and if we see each day of life as a gift, the more days we've lived, the better."

I am turning 45 this year. Some people lie about their age or are shy to admit it. I will never be one of those people. Aging is a privilege and when you one day in the (very distant) future start seeing more wrinkles and gray hairs in the mirror, I hope you will remember that. Don't chase youth. Chase happiness.

Love,

Mom

Getting Low

Dear Lila,

Songs that were huge in the 2000s are apparently big again and kids these days are listening to Flo Rida's "Low." I danced to that song soooooo many times when I went clubbing in my 20s and oh, it is so weird to hear my 9- and 12-year-olds singing about "apple-bottom jeans!" 

Love,

Mom

You're Twelve Years Old!

Dear Lila,

I have been 5'2" for my entire adult life. You, who have just turned 12 years old, currently measure in at 5'5". I mark your and your siblings' height on your birthdays on a beam in our play attic and when I marked your height this year, I had to stand on a chair to reach the top of your head. That. Is. BANANAS.

Happy birthday, Lilabear! You are my big girl, both literally and figuratively. You are in 7th grade now and I know it can be a confusing stage--on the one hand, you are still a "little" kid who likes to play with toys; on the other; you are a "big" kid who can hang out with friends in Manhattan without any adult supervision. You still read Babysitters' Club books but are also studying novels like Animal Farm and 1984 in school. I cut your fruit for you but you can stay home alone and heat up your own meals. I won't let you watch certain violent movies but I talk candidly to you about racism, mental illness and other heavy subjects. You reminisce about your elementary school days while preparing for high school admissions by taking SHSAT classes every weekend.

Things are obviously changing for you, but you will always have one constant: me. I will always be here to give you love, support and (sometimes unwanted) advice, no matter what! And I hope you know that even when I am busy/exhausted/frustrated/all of the above by the craziness that is life,  you can always, ALWAYS come and talk to me about anything. I may judge, I may criticize, I may even get mad, depending on what it is, but I will listen.

I read a depressing statement that by the time your kid turns 12, you have already spent 75% of your time with them. You and I are at that soul-crushing benchmark and there are definitely lots of times when you and I barely spend time together, between my motherhood duties and your kidhood duties. But as tired as you are at the end of the day, you still initiate our nightly mantra and secret handshake and it means a lot to me that it still means a lot to you. And even if we don't get a whole lot of quality time during the day, at least we still have those short-but-sweet quiet moments together at bedtime.

I love you so much, Lilabear! I love that you are stepping out of your comfort zone to do things like join Model UN and the school volleyball team. I love that you still devour books. I love that your ELA teacher told me that you speak up a lot in class to offer your opinions and insights and to sometimes even debate a classmate on something you disagree on. I love that we can go shopping together for clothes, jewelry and perfume and that we even share the latter two. I love that you share my passion for eating and that you are always up for trying new restaurants with me. I love that we can go to things like the AJR concert and &Juliet on Broadway and have a blast singing and dancing together. I love that we can bond over a night of Korean face masks and nail painting. I love that you are still a kind soul, thoughtful person and hard worker. You are my child but you are also someone I admire and respect. I am so proud of you and love you so much, sweetheart! Happy birthday!

Love,

Mom

Grown-Up Goodies

Dear Lila,

You know you have a tween girl when the goody bags she receives at birthday parties are now filled with lip oil and Korean beauty masks instead of stickers and Play-Doh.

Love,

Mom

Hicksville

Dear Lila,

I was today years old when you asked me what a hickey is. 

Love,

Mom

My Thoughtful Dumpling

Dear Lila,

I decided to make dumplings for lunch today and there were exactly 15 dumplings left in the bag. I gave four dumplings each to you, DiDi and MuiMui. You came into the kitchen as I was spooning out my portion and as soon as you saw that I only got three dumplings while the rest of you received four, you asked me, "Do you want one of my dumplings?" I knew you would notice that I had less dumplings and I knew you would offer me one of your dumplings, but I was still very touched by your generosity. You are awesome. Period.

Love,

Mom