Mom Jokes

Dear Lila,

Every Monday is Mom Joke Monday, where I text you a joke after you get on the school bus. Here are a few of my favorites so far:

-I got fired on my first day working at the bank. A woman asked me to check her balance and I pushed her over.

-Why do teenagers hang out in groups of 3, 5, 7 and 9? Because they can't even.

-A wife texts her husband on a cold morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." The husband texts back, "Slowly pour warm water around the edges and then gently tap with a hammer." After 10 minutes, the wife texts back, "Computer really messed up now."

-A pregnant woman falls into a coma and wakes up three months later. When she awakens, the nurse tells her that she gave birth to two healthy babies, one girl and one boy, and that the woman's brother named them. The woman groans and says, "Oh no! My brother is an idiot! What did he name them?" The nurse says, "He named the girl Denise." The woman says, "Oh, that's not bad. What did he name the boy?" The nurse replies, "Denephew."

-A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk into a blood donation center. The nurse asks the rabbit, "What blood type are you?" and the rabbit replies, "I'm probably a Type O."

Love,

Mom

Young Adult

Dear Lila,

We hung out in Manhattan a few weekends ago and went to Barn Joo for lunch. When we were done, I asked the waitress for the check and she asked us, "Are you paying together?" She thought you were my friend and didn't realize that you are only 12!

People quite often mistake you for being much older than you are since you are so tall and look so mature! And I'm so short next to you, so it throws everyone off. But I know I'm going to blink and you actually will be old enough to pay for your own meals. This past summer, you took SHSAT prep classes in our neighborhood and we let you walk to and from them every day on your own, which is the first time we let you go out that far without an adult. Daddy and I gave you money and during your lunch breaks, you went out and bought your own lunches. Last month, you got your first real cell phone (an upgrade from the watch we had been using to contact and track you) and went to your dentist appointment on your own.

Then this past weekend, you babysat your siblings for the first time! When Daddy and I have gone out before, PoiPoi came over to watch all of you. This time, we went out to dinner in the neighborhood (so not too far) and entrusted you with getting you and your siblings dinner (we ordered a pizza before we left), taking care of whatever needed to be taken care of and getting DiDi and MuiMui to bed. MuiMui actually cried a few times because she missed me, so you called me and had me talk to her. Other than that, the night went smoothly and you did a great job. Adulting, here you come!

Love,

Mom