You're Here!

Dear Lila,

Welcome to the world! You were my very special belated Christmas present, arriving on December 27, 2012 at 11:15pm. I'd spent the past nine months thinking about you, getting ready for you and avoiding chocolate for you (everyone knows you can't have coffee when you're pregnant, but did you know there's caffeine in chocolate, too?) and I am so happy to finally meet you! You are so tiny and beautiful and perfect!

You were due on January 15, 2013, so you came two and a half weeks early (your older brother was six weeks early--I guess you two are both impatient like your mama!) in what was possibly one of the fastest deliveries in history. When I went in for a check-up on the morning of December 27, my doctor examined me and said I was about 6 to 7 cm dilated. I wasn't having regular contractions but if my water suddenly broke, you'd be born pretty quickly since I was so dilated. My doctor (and me!) didn't want me to give birth on the street so I checked into the hospital later that day so that she could induce labor and bring you into the world! 

When we arrived at the hospital, Daddy was calm (he's always the calm one) and I was nervous (I'm always the nervous one). Giving birth is hard (there's a reason they call it labor!) and painful, painful, painful. I had an epidural when I gave birth to your brother and it still hurt so much that I remember thinking I never wanted to have another child and go through such physical anguish again. But when I saw your brother for the first time, I was so amazed by this small being, this brand new life that your dad and I had created that I immediately forgot about the pain and thought, "Hey, it wasn't that bad!" And so here I was, ready to go through childbirth again for you! Except this time, I did it without any drugs. 

Yep, no drugs! Granted, I wanted drugs. I think women who forgo drugs in favor of a natural birth are admirable/crazy masochists but I have a very low threshold for pain and knew I would never be one of those women. I told Daddy, I told my doctor, I told the labor and delivery nurse, just say yes to drugs! But you wanted to come out so fast that there was no time for me to get any. Daddy and I arrived at the hospital at 6pm and the doctors and nurses monitored my contractions for a few hours. I was barely having any so my doctor decided to break my water. I would then get an epidural as soon as the anesthesiologist was available and have you once I was fully dilated. But after my doctor broke my water, she left the room and I suddenly had about five VERY painful contractions back to back. They hurt so much that I burst into tears and started screaming at Daddy, "Ow ow ow ow ow! Make it stop! Make it stop!" He ran out of the room to get my doctor and when she came back in to check me, she said I was already fully dilated and that I had to push you out now. I was in shock. I think this was the gist of my reaction: "What? Now? Without drugs?! But I need the drugs! Someone give me the drugs! I can't do this without drugs!!!" But I had to do it without drugs so I bared down, screamed a lot, pushed about two to three times and boom! You were here! The whole labor from first contraction to birth took about 20 minutes! 

And I actually saw you come out of me! I'd asked the nurse for a mirror beforehand and she placed it right in front of me when I started pushing. Initially, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to see you emerge from my vajayjay (Would it be really bloody? Would it gross me out? I can't even watch the surgery scenes in Grey's Anatomy and those are fake!) but I'm so glad I did because it was one of the most incredible things I've ever witnessed. I was pushing and suddenly, I could see the hair on the top of your head! And then your face! Your adorable little face! And as soon as your whole body was out, my doctor put you in in my arms. You were so tiny and sticky and warm and I was so stunned, I just kept saying, "Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!" to you for about a minute (I promise you, I am much more verbose than that!). 

I held you for awhile and then Daddy cut your umbilical cord and the nurse cleaned you up, wrapped you in a blanket and brought you back to me so that I could hold you again. Daddy and I were so happy and excited and instantly in love with you :) 

We came home from the hospital today and Daddy, your brother and I cannot wait to spend the rest of our lives getting to know you. We already love you so much.

Love,

Mom