Dear Lila,
I saw you drawing a smiley face and I told you that it was a nice smiley face. You replied, "It's not a smiley face. It's an emoji." How times have changed.
Love,
Mom
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
Thursday, March 9, 2017
Tears of Love
Dear Lila,
When I tuck you in at night, you always ask if I can cuddle with you. Sometimes I can't because I have housework to do or school bags to pack or it's late and you need to fall asleep. But we get to cuddle at least a few times a week and it's one of my favorite things. I love laying next to you and talking to you about whatever comes to mind. You always insist that I wrap my arm around you and try to trick me into staying longer when I eventually get up ("Mama, one more huggie! One more kissie! I have to tell you a secret in your ear!"). The other night, I told you that I love you and that you are my favorite girl in the whole world. You said that I am your favorite girl in the whole world and then you started tearing. I asked you what was wrong and you replied, "I'm just crying because I love you so much." And then Mama started crying, too.
I love you to the moon and back, baby girl.
Love,
Mom
When I tuck you in at night, you always ask if I can cuddle with you. Sometimes I can't because I have housework to do or school bags to pack or it's late and you need to fall asleep. But we get to cuddle at least a few times a week and it's one of my favorite things. I love laying next to you and talking to you about whatever comes to mind. You always insist that I wrap my arm around you and try to trick me into staying longer when I eventually get up ("Mama, one more huggie! One more kissie! I have to tell you a secret in your ear!"). The other night, I told you that I love you and that you are my favorite girl in the whole world. You said that I am your favorite girl in the whole world and then you started tearing. I asked you what was wrong and you replied, "I'm just crying because I love you so much." And then Mama started crying, too.
I love you to the moon and back, baby girl.
Love,
Mom
Saturday, February 25, 2017
Remembering Uncle Tony
Dear Lila,
Today was Uncle Tony's memorial. I wasn't sure if I should bring you since you're so young and it was obviously going to be really sad but in the end, I decided that I wanted you to see how we honored him and his life. I asked you if you would like to go and you asked me, "Is it going to be boring? Are there going to be toys?" I said there wouldn't be toys but that there would be food. You immediately perked up and said, "I'll go for the food." You and your love of food!
The memorial was heartbreaking as expected but it was comforting for me to be with the friends and family who knew and love Uncle Tony. I liked hearing stories about him and how he made such a positive impact on so many people's lives. One of Uncle Tony's friends spoke about how there are two kinds of people: those who leave good footprints on your heart and those who leave bad footprints. He said that Uncle Tony definitely left good footprints and that no one ever had anything bad to say about Uncle Tony. Another friend talked about the fun road trips they took to New York. One friend even called in all the way from Australia to share her loving words and memories about your uncle.
Here is what I managed to say through my tears:
Hi everyone. My parents and I want to start off by saying thank you to all of you for coming here today to remember Tony and celebrate his life. The past few months have been unbearable but the things that have gotten us through them have been meeting Tony's friends, hearing your stories, seeing your photos and reading all of your Facebook posts about him. You have helped keep him alive through your memories and it has been comforting and truly beautiful to realize how much Tony was and always will be loved.
In one of my favorite photos, Tony is wearing a T-shirt that says, "What? I can't hear you over the sound of my awesomeness!" I laugh every time I see that shirt because it's funny and because it's true. Who is cooler than Tony? He would call up his friends at 2 am and take them on spontaneous road trips to New York. He had a stand-up comedy act. He was a stylish dresser and showed up everywhere in a suit and tie (and for those of you who ever wondered--yes, he DID own sweatpants and even wore them occasionally). He piloted a small plane once and managed not to crash it. He did crash his car a lot but stayed out of trouble with my parents by always blaming it on a "deer." And he started Smokescreen Magazine, where it was his actual job to find and hang out with pretty girls every day. #everyguy'sdreamjob
There were no bounds to Tony's awesomeness. He was funny and outgoing and always up for an adventure. He spoke what was on his mind and was never afraid to be himself. He was a genuine and caring person who put everyone before himself. And he was the strongest person I know. Throughout his whole battle, I never once saw him complain, cry or let on that he was scared. Tony stayed positive and made jokes through to the very end and that kind of awesomeness is a gift to everyone who was lucky enough to witness it.
I love you, Tony, and miss you so much every day.
********
One of Uncle Tony's friend made a nice slideshow to play during the memorial and he printed a magazine filled with photos and memories of Uncle Tony. That friend and his fiancee also put together an amazing cookie table, which included sugar cookies decorated with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Uncle Tony would have liked all of it. You met one of Uncle Tony's friend's daughter, who is only 5 years old but bravely stood in front of everyone and spoke about how much she loves Uncle Tony and will miss playing with him. The two of you had fun playing and coloring together. And yes, you did enjoy all of the food!
I know today must have been sad and also a little confusing for you, but I hope you could see that while he lived a short life, Uncle Tony had a good one filled with so many people who cared and will always care about him.
Love,
Mom
Today was Uncle Tony's memorial. I wasn't sure if I should bring you since you're so young and it was obviously going to be really sad but in the end, I decided that I wanted you to see how we honored him and his life. I asked you if you would like to go and you asked me, "Is it going to be boring? Are there going to be toys?" I said there wouldn't be toys but that there would be food. You immediately perked up and said, "I'll go for the food." You and your love of food!
The memorial was heartbreaking as expected but it was comforting for me to be with the friends and family who knew and love Uncle Tony. I liked hearing stories about him and how he made such a positive impact on so many people's lives. One of Uncle Tony's friends spoke about how there are two kinds of people: those who leave good footprints on your heart and those who leave bad footprints. He said that Uncle Tony definitely left good footprints and that no one ever had anything bad to say about Uncle Tony. Another friend talked about the fun road trips they took to New York. One friend even called in all the way from Australia to share her loving words and memories about your uncle.
Here is what I managed to say through my tears:
Hi everyone. My parents and I want to start off by saying thank you to all of you for coming here today to remember Tony and celebrate his life. The past few months have been unbearable but the things that have gotten us through them have been meeting Tony's friends, hearing your stories, seeing your photos and reading all of your Facebook posts about him. You have helped keep him alive through your memories and it has been comforting and truly beautiful to realize how much Tony was and always will be loved.
In one of my favorite photos, Tony is wearing a T-shirt that says, "What? I can't hear you over the sound of my awesomeness!" I laugh every time I see that shirt because it's funny and because it's true. Who is cooler than Tony? He would call up his friends at 2 am and take them on spontaneous road trips to New York. He had a stand-up comedy act. He was a stylish dresser and showed up everywhere in a suit and tie (and for those of you who ever wondered--yes, he DID own sweatpants and even wore them occasionally). He piloted a small plane once and managed not to crash it. He did crash his car a lot but stayed out of trouble with my parents by always blaming it on a "deer." And he started Smokescreen Magazine, where it was his actual job to find and hang out with pretty girls every day. #everyguy'sdreamjob
There were no bounds to Tony's awesomeness. He was funny and outgoing and always up for an adventure. He spoke what was on his mind and was never afraid to be himself. He was a genuine and caring person who put everyone before himself. And he was the strongest person I know. Throughout his whole battle, I never once saw him complain, cry or let on that he was scared. Tony stayed positive and made jokes through to the very end and that kind of awesomeness is a gift to everyone who was lucky enough to witness it.
I love you, Tony, and miss you so much every day.
********
One of Uncle Tony's friend made a nice slideshow to play during the memorial and he printed a magazine filled with photos and memories of Uncle Tony. That friend and his fiancee also put together an amazing cookie table, which included sugar cookies decorated with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Uncle Tony would have liked all of it. You met one of Uncle Tony's friend's daughter, who is only 5 years old but bravely stood in front of everyone and spoke about how much she loves Uncle Tony and will miss playing with him. The two of you had fun playing and coloring together. And yes, you did enjoy all of the food!
I know today must have been sad and also a little confusing for you, but I hope you could see that while he lived a short life, Uncle Tony had a good one filled with so many people who cared and will always care about him.
Love,
Mom
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Lady Goo Goo Ga Ga
Dear Lila,
It's so cute the way you say "hossible" instead of hospital. And it made me smile when I showed you the Lady Gaga Super Bowl halftime show and the next day, you asked if we could watch the "Goo Goo Ga Ga Super Bowl." :-)
Love,
Mom
It's so cute the way you say "hossible" instead of hospital. And it made me smile when I showed you the Lady Gaga Super Bowl halftime show and the next day, you asked if we could watch the "Goo Goo Ga Ga Super Bowl." :-)
Love,
Mom
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Royal Aspirations
Dear Lila,
I was brushing your teeth tonight when you informed me that when you grow up, you want to be . . . wait for it . . . a princess. I asked you if you were sure, if you wouldn't rather be a doctor or a teacher or an artist. You said no, you want to be a princess. *sigh* I feel as if I've failed you.
Love,
Mom
I was brushing your teeth tonight when you informed me that when you grow up, you want to be . . . wait for it . . . a princess. I asked you if you were sure, if you wouldn't rather be a doctor or a teacher or an artist. You said no, you want to be a princess. *sigh* I feel as if I've failed you.
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Fishy Game
Dear Lila,
I walked by the study today and you and Sawyer had pushed your armchairs together and were standing on them. You had also tied long ribbons around the necks of a stuffed Elmo and teddy bear and were swinging them around. Slightly horrified that you were pretending to strangle your toys, I asked you what you guys were doing. You replied, "We're fishing! I caught a red Elmo!" I love your imagination!
Love,
Mom
I walked by the study today and you and Sawyer had pushed your armchairs together and were standing on them. You had also tied long ribbons around the necks of a stuffed Elmo and teddy bear and were swinging them around. Slightly horrified that you were pretending to strangle your toys, I asked you what you guys were doing. You replied, "We're fishing! I caught a red Elmo!" I love your imagination!
Love,
Mom
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Uncle Tony
Dear Lila,
Your Uncle Tony always loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. What's not to love? They are superheroes who fight crime, make wisecracks all of the time and crave pizza. And they aren't so different from Uncle Tony, who grew up on Pizza Hut, was always ready with a funny comment for everything and was a real-life superhero who made so many people's lives better just by being a part of them.
I met many of Uncle Tony's friends last week and all of them said the same thing: Tony made the world a better place. Whether he was joking around to cheer up a sad friend, encouraging another friend to pursue her dream job or just holding a girl's purse so she wouldn't lose it at a bar, he always looked out for others and lit up any room with his humor and positive attitude.
Uncle Tony was truly a superhero because he was strong enough to maintain that humor and positive attitude even when he was diagnosed with brain cancer not just once, but twice. When GongGong, PoiPoi and I wanted to crumple into a heap onto the floor, Uncle Tony was the one who made us laugh and lifted our spirits when we were the ones who should have been doing that for him. His strength never wavered during his countless treatments and surgeries and even when his entire body was literally failing him and he couldn't even speak, he still found the power to give the doctors an optimistic thumbs-up sign and playfully stick out his tongue at us.
I will never be able to process this loss, the fact that I will never hug my brother again or text him about our favorite shows or have lengthy conversations with him about how crazy our parents are. It is unreal and unfair that he was taken at such a young age when he had so much more to accomplish. And it truly breaks my heart that you probably won't remember him and that he will not be here to see you grow up. Uncle Tony was my baby brother and I do not know how I will make it through the rest of my life without him. I wish that you didn't have to go through the rest of your life without him. But if anything, Uncle Tony taught us all how to stay strong even in the darkest hours.
I miss Uncle Tony so unbearably much, but he will stay alive in our memories and I will talk about him all of the time so that you, GuhGaw and DiDi will always remember what an amazing, special and undeniably super uncle you guys had.
Love,
Mom
Your Uncle Tony always loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. What's not to love? They are superheroes who fight crime, make wisecracks all of the time and crave pizza. And they aren't so different from Uncle Tony, who grew up on Pizza Hut, was always ready with a funny comment for everything and was a real-life superhero who made so many people's lives better just by being a part of them.
I met many of Uncle Tony's friends last week and all of them said the same thing: Tony made the world a better place. Whether he was joking around to cheer up a sad friend, encouraging another friend to pursue her dream job or just holding a girl's purse so she wouldn't lose it at a bar, he always looked out for others and lit up any room with his humor and positive attitude.
Uncle Tony was truly a superhero because he was strong enough to maintain that humor and positive attitude even when he was diagnosed with brain cancer not just once, but twice. When GongGong, PoiPoi and I wanted to crumple into a heap onto the floor, Uncle Tony was the one who made us laugh and lifted our spirits when we were the ones who should have been doing that for him. His strength never wavered during his countless treatments and surgeries and even when his entire body was literally failing him and he couldn't even speak, he still found the power to give the doctors an optimistic thumbs-up sign and playfully stick out his tongue at us.
I will never be able to process this loss, the fact that I will never hug my brother again or text him about our favorite shows or have lengthy conversations with him about how crazy our parents are. It is unreal and unfair that he was taken at such a young age when he had so much more to accomplish. And it truly breaks my heart that you probably won't remember him and that he will not be here to see you grow up. Uncle Tony was my baby brother and I do not know how I will make it through the rest of my life without him. I wish that you didn't have to go through the rest of your life without him. But if anything, Uncle Tony taught us all how to stay strong even in the darkest hours.
I miss Uncle Tony so unbearably much, but he will stay alive in our memories and I will talk about him all of the time so that you, GuhGaw and DiDi will always remember what an amazing, special and undeniably super uncle you guys had.
Love,
Mom
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