Garden Path

Dear Lila,

When researching middle schools for you, I came across one called Garden School that sounded really good. We went to an information session and toured the school and came away thinking that it would be a great environment for you, so we started the application process last October. Daddy and I assumed we would just have to fill out an application with your basic info (name, date of birth, previous schools, etc.) and pay a deposit. But oh no, it is not that easy to get into Garden! As a prospective student, you were required to write four essays, interview with the admissions director, get letter of recommendations from your principal and two teachers AND take a merit exam. And as the parent of a prospective student, I had to write three essays myself! You worked so hard for months, writing and rewriting the essays (you even wrote an optional fifth essay on top of the mandatory four!), practicing for the interview and studying for the merit exam. Whenever you had free time, you worked on your essays and rehearsed your answers for three dozen possible interview questions that you might have to answer. You spent so much time on your Garden application that MuiMui often copied you, typing on a pretend laptop and telling us, "I working on my Garden School essay" or holding a piece of paper (like the one you had printed out interview questions and answers on) and saying to herself, "I want to go to Garden School because I want to go to Garden School." (Btw, that was not your rehearsed response to the question "Why do you want to attend Garden School?" but I don't think MuiMui could remember the actual one!")

We submitted your application in December and anxiously waited for today, when admissions decisions were announced. We were told decisions would be posted in the afternoon and it was the. Longest. Day. Ever. You told me that when you got off the bus today, you ran home as fast as you could and indeed, you burst through the door and asked me all out-of-breath, "Did I get in???" At that point, I hadn't heard anything yet. But at 4pm, I received an email with the subject line "Garden School Admissions Decision" and when I opened it, it said:

Dear Chan Family,

Good afternoon. I wanted to let you know that we are thrilled to offer admission to Lila for our Sixth Grade Program as a Merit Scholar!

OMG OMG OMG OMGEEEEEE!!!!!! You got in!!!!!! And you got a scholarship!!!!! I was so so so happy and excited for you but I had to play it cool because I wanted to wait until Daddy came home so that we could tell you the good news together! I told him to pick up flowers and your favorite sushi and earlier that day, MuiMui and I had cut up blue and white construction paper to make confetti in the Garden School colors.

After Daddy came home, we told you to sit on the couch and handed you a printout of your acceptance letter. We watched you read the letter--and then jump up exuberantly when you read that you had been accepted!!! Daddy threw the confetti (along with the small tin bucket it had been in, oops) and we started chanting, "Lila! Lila! Lila!" Your siblings were so excited for you and MuiMui was literally rolling around the floor in the confetti and shouting "Yay yay yay yay!"

You were so happy that you actually started crying! I am so proud of you, Lilabear! You worked so hard and you deserve this! I am so thrilled for your future at Garden!

Love,

Mom

Stepping Up Soon

Dear Lila,

Your parent coordinator just sent an email this morning about your upcoming 5th grade graduation and I actually started crying while reading about the details! My little girl is graduating from elementary school! Already!

Love,

Mom

Daily Rituals

Dear Lila,

I woke up at 5am this morning to bake homemade cinnamon rolls for your breakfast (anything for my kids!) so by the time 9pm rolled around, I was more than ready to go to bed. You were studying for your math test and wanted to stay up a little longer to finish your practice questions (always the dedicated student!). I told you to keep studying and that I was going to bed but you jumped up and rushed to the bathroom to wash your hands (since you'd been touching your school book) so that you could hug me goodnight. I love that hugging me goodnight still means a lot to you--and we still do our "heart" goodbye every morning when you go to school and our secret handshake every night when you go to bed. Our little rituals mean a lot to me, too. I love you so much!

Love,

Mom

Sob Story

Dear Lila,

You have given all of your Barbie dolls names and backstories, so when I sat down to play Barbies with you this afternoon, you held up one that was dressed in a sparkly pink evening dress and fancy high heels and told me her deal: "She is the town outcast. No one ever talks to her because she was mean to the mayor in high school. She sits at home all day because no one wants to hang out with her but she is always dressed up because if anyone decides to invite her to a party, she will be ready to go."

Whoa. Dark.

Love,

Mom

Pierced

Dear Lila,

So many fun birthday festivities this year! On top of your pottery painting date with Riley, the day at Nickelodeon Universe (you rode crazy roller coasters, played arcade games and met Chase from Paw Patrol--I know that last one was your favorite part, don't even pretend!) and our trip to The New York Public Library, we did one more thing for your 10th birthday: Daddy and I took you to get your ears pierced!!!

You have wanted to get your ears pierced for awhile and I figured your first double-digit birthday was a good time for this exciting milestone. When I was a kid, everyone got their ears pierced at a kiosk in the mall. And when I was a kid, I got my ears pierced at said kiosk and got a bad infection. So no mall kiosk piercing for you! I took you to a nice, clean boutique in Williamsburg with licensed nurses (not part-time teenaged employees) and the nurse who pierced your ears actually took a very long, careful time to mark your earlobes and make sure the piercing sites were as symmetrical as possible before he pulled the trigger. You said it hurt, but it was quick. You have to keep your studs in, even while you sleep, for an entire year and you can't wear dangly earrings (which is what I know you really want to wear!) for the first six months, but the scary piercing part is over and now you can look forward to shopping for and collecting earrings!

I hope you had a fun, memorable time turning 10! I love you so much!

Love,

Mom

Your Strengths

Dear Lila,

As I mentioned in the previous blog entry, I had to write an essay about your strengths for one of your middle school applications. Below is that essay.

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Share with us what you believe to be your child’s special strengths, relative weaknesses, talents, extracurricular interests, etc. Take as much space as you like. We appreciate parental anecdotes and insights.

I still remember my parent-teacher conference with Lila’s first grade teacher. Her teacher said, "Lila is hard-working, kind, helpful, sensitive–all of the positive words I tell my kids to be, she is." I couldn't agree more: Lila embodies so many positive qualities!

One of Lila's strengths is her determination. When she was two, she was trying to unbuckle a stubborn buckle on her bag and squeezing it so hard that her body was shaking. I offered to help but she insisted on doing it herself, which she eventually did. Her resolve impressed me then and it has continued to impress me to this day. When I took Lila on a challenging bike trail last summer, she never complained about how hard it was but clenched her teeth, leaned forward and pedaled up every steep hill we encountered. When her class had a "Wax Museum" project, Lila had to recite her speech about Ruth Bader Ginsberg. She is shy and uncomfortable with public speaking but she rehearsed her speech dozens of times and recited it perfectly on the day of the presentation. As a student in the Gifted & Talented program since first grade, Lila applies that same dedication to all of her studies. She finds math challenging but asks for help, studies her notes and completes practice questions on Khan Academy until she understands the topic. As such, Lila currently has a 90 average in math and her teacher says she has very strong math skills.

Lila is also very responsible, so much so that my husband and I have nicknamed her "Second Mama." We have four kids and caring for so many children is a tough job but Lila makes that job infinitely easier. As the second oldest, she is always ready to help with whatever is needed, whether that is washing dishes or watching her baby sister while I cook. Lila knows what needs to be done and does it without me having to ask. I never have to remind her to clean her room or study for a test because she just does it. Similarly, Lila’s teachers always praise her for her responsible nature and maturity. She completes homework thoroughly and promptly and turns in optional assignments as well. When she had remote schooling during the pandemic, she woke up earlier than she had to and made sure to be on time for every Zoom call.

Another one of Lila's strengths is her selflessness. Once, I gave Lila and her brother each a cookie. Lila's brother dropped his cookie on the ground and without hesitation, Lila gave him hers. When Lila returned to in-person schooling last year and only one child at each table could remove his/her mask and eat lunch at a time, Lila scarfed down her food as fast as she could and often didn't even finish it so that the next child wouldn't have to wait too long to eat. When we went to an arcade this past summer, our kids were deciding how to spend the tickets they had won. Lila only took enough tickets to buy herself one tiny toy unicorn; she let her brothers have the rest of the tickets so that they could buy multiple toy army men. She is always thinking of others.

Lila has many interests. She loves art, music, swimming and baking. One of her favorite classes is Culture because she likes learning about different countries. Lila’s main passion, though, is reading. Lila has been a voracious reader ever since she could pick up her first board book and whenever she has free time, her nose is almost always buried in a book. She never wants toys for Christmas, just new books! In kindergarten, Lila even inspired her classmates to read more. Her teacher said that when the students arrived in the morning, the other children played while Lila went straight to the book corner and plopped down on a cushion with a book. Over time, more classmates followed her lead and started reading after they’d hung up their backpacks. Eventually, her teacher instituted an official "Morning Reading Time" where everyone in the class read quietly after arriving at school--all because of Lila!

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As you can see from what I wrote, I think you are amazing!

Love,

Mom

You're Ten Years Old!

Dear Lila,

You have loved unicorns for years, which is fitting, because YOU are a unicorn! You are more thoughtful, patient, understanding, responsible and conscientious than most adults I know and you are truly an incredible person. I am so proud to be your mom--and I can't believe I have already been your mom for an entire decade! Happy 10th birthday, Lilabear!

This fall, we had to submit your middle school applications (!) and for one school, I had to write an essay about your strengths and special talents. The essay had to be a minimum of 500 words but my first draft was more than 1,200 words--that's how many good things I had to say about you! And I could have gone on for a few more thousand words--I mean, how many words are in this entire Letters to Lila blog so far? :-) I talked about your dedication, helpfulness and selflessness. I also wrote about one of your most defining features: your love of reading! It is still your absolute favorite thing to do and whenever you have free time at home, your nose is almost always in a book. You have read every single kid book in the house a dozen times and have even read some of my books: Confessions of a Shopaholic, Life of Pi, A Man Called Ove, Julie & Julia, The House of Spirits, Where'd You Go, Bernadette?, Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine (btw, I haven't even read the latter three yet!). You told me that if you have to pick between going out and staying in, you will always pick staying in because all of your books are at home. However, I guess the exception is if we go out to get to more books. When I asked you where you want to go on your actual birthday this year, you chose the library! I floated the idea of going to American Dream Mall to play mini golf and shop but when I suggested visiting the main branch of the New York Public Library in Manhattan, your eyes lit up and you got so excited! (It's actually suuuuuuper cold today on your birthday--just 23 degrees--but it's going to go up to 45 degrees on Thursday, so we will go then!) I love that you prefer reading over shopping; I'm not sure how many 10-year-old girls do!

I don't know why I didn't blog about this story at the time, but when you were just a 4-year-old in pre-k, you inspired your classmates to read more! Your teacher told me that when the students arrived at the beginning of the school day, the other children played with the classroom toys while you went straight to the book corner and plopped down on a cushion with a book every day. Over time, more classmates followed your lead and started reading after they had hung up their jackets and backpacks. Eventually, your teacher instituted an official "Morning Reading Time" where everyone in the class read quietly for 10 minutes after arriving at school--all because of you! After you graduated from pre-k, your teacher always reminded me of this story whenever she saw me and told me that she continued Morning Reading Time every year!

When I ran into that same teacher a couple years ago while I was out shopping (she retired during the pandemic but still lives in the neighborhood), she told me something about you that she hadn't told me before. She said that you were one of the most empathetic students she's ever had. If another classmate was crying about something, many of the other kids would continue with whatever they were doing but you always went over to the upset child and patted him/her on the back and tried to comfort him/her. Even at such a young age, you were already so kind and thoughtful--and you continue to be so to this day. At home, you are quick to assist me (and without complaint) when I need you to and often ask me if I need help with anything. You help DiDi with his homework and play with MuiMui when I'm busy. You get your siblings breakfast in the mornings and read to them at night. If they are doing something less than ideal (i.e. DiDi asks for a third helping of dinner when I haven't even had a bite of my first or MuiMui keeps insisting on sitting on my lap when I need a little space after a chaotic day), you intervene so that I don't have to deal with it. If we have all shared a dessert and there is only one more piece left, you always ask everyone if they want it before you take it, even if I've already told you to finish it. You always consider other people's feelings and needs and I admire you so much for that.

Time and age are such strange constructs. On the one hand, I feel as if you were just a baby and can't believe that you are already 10. On the other hand, you are so responsible and mature that I sometimes forget that you are only 10. Either way, I am so proud of you. I love you so much and I love being your mom. Happy birthday!

Love,

Mom