Grown-Up Goals

Dear Lila,

Me: Lila, what do you want to be when you grow up?
You: A grown-up.

Makes sense.

Love,
Mom

Current Faves

Dear Lila,

Your current stats:

Age: 5 years and 2 days
Clothing size: 8 (GuhGaw only wears size 7!)
Shoe size: 13.5 (same size as GuhGaw!)
Favorite color: "All the colors except brown, black, white and gray."
Favorite music: the Trolls soundtrack
Favorite book: princess books
Favorite TV show: Team Umizoomi
Favorite movie: Trolls
Favorite activity: napping
Favorite food: mushrooms

Love,
Mom

All Dolled Up

Dear Lila,

This year, you have already had a birthday party at school, a birthday party at a play space and a mini family celebration with birthday cake at home yesterday but your birthday festivities continued today with a trip to . . . drum roll please . . . American Girl Place!!!

You love dolls and you love poring through the American Girl doll catalogs that are mailed to our house (you enjoy looking at the dolls and their plethora of posh accessories, I enjoy shouting to your dad, "Oh my god, look how expensive this is! Look how expensive that is!"), so I knew I wanted to take you to American Girl Place someday. And someday was today! (A whole month ago, I tried to book a table for afternoon tea in the American Girl Place Cafe for our family of five on your actual birthday but the place is so dang popular that I could only snag a reservation for two on the day after your birthday, grrr.)

Today's high temperature was a toasty 15 degrees but we bundled up in a whole lotta layers and rode the F train to Rockefeller Plaza. We visited the famous Christmas tree (twice--DiDi had fallen asleep on the subway and missed the tree the first time we walked around it so we went back when he woke up) and warmed ourselves up with hot chocolate and coffee at Bouchon Bakery. Then it was off to the main event! We walked through the revolving doors at American Girl Place and the smile that spread across your face was everything! There were dolls everywhere, obviously, and you and your brothers had so much fun looking at them all and playing with the various toy sets that were on display. There was a giant play house and a cute washing machine/dryer/ironing board set that you guys especially liked. Daddy, however, looked so bored and kept saying he should take GuhGaw and DiDi to the nearby Nintendo Store but your brothers were enjoying themselves and I told your dad, "They're fine." He wasn't going to escape that easily, haha!

When it was time for our afternoon tea reservation, you and I headed over to the cafe. You don't own an American Girl doll (I love you and want to give you everything but seriously, one doll is more than $100!) but there were shelves of loaner dolls at the front of the cafe and the hostess said you could pick a doll to join us. You selected a cute baby doll and the waitress set her up with her own doll-sized dishes, place mat and high chair at our table.

We enjoyed yummy sandwiches, pastries and sweets and topped off the meal with a special birthday dessert:

I am still regaining the feeling in my nearly frostbitten fingers and toes, haha, but I so enjoyed our special trip to Manhattan today. Happy birthday, my love!

Love,
Mom

You're Five Years Old!

Dear Lila,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I used five exclamation points there because you are now five years old!!!!! FIVE!!!!! (Okay, I'll stop with that now.)

It's so weird--you seem like my little baby girl and my big grown-up girl all at the same time. On the one hand, you still need me to help you button your shirts, wash your hair and cut your food. But on the other hand, you can zip up your jacket on your own, wipe and clean your tushee and go to the pantry and get a cereal bar by yourself if you get hungry. You're in this gray area where you're somewhat helpless with some things and completely independent with others. And I'm in this gray area where I am both happy and sad that you are growing up!

It has been amazing to see how much you have changed just over the past year. When you were 4, you were still using baby talk like "You my friend." Now, you are talking in full and articulate sentences. When you were 4, your drawings were mostly scribbles but now they really resemble what you're trying to draw. You recently drew a reindeer in art class and I was genuinely impressed by how much it looked like a reindeer! When you were 4, you were only able to recognize and write a handful of letters in the alphabet. Now, you have mastered all 26 letters and can successfully read simple words. You have learned how to sound out letters and figure out what unfamiliar words are. And you are always practicing your letter sounds. If you and I are talking about, say, snacks, you'll pause and say, "Sssssnacks. That starts with s."

Daddy and I surprised you with a balloon "curtain" this morning!

Some things about you, of course, are still the same. You still love princesses and dolls, especially Barbie dolls, so you were very excited when you received several Barbies for Christmas and your birthday this year. You still enjoy reading and ask me to read to you every day (but now I can point out certain words and you read them to me!). You still like to dance and are taking tap lessons this semester. And you still love love love to stuff various toys in various bags and carry them to various rooms and then leave them there so that when I ask you where your Poppy doll is, for example, you genuinely have no idea because she could be in any number of bags in any number of rooms. Ever since you were a toddler, you have had this strange packrat-like habit of putting as many toys as you can fit in your Sofia backpack, Hello Kitty lunchbox, Highlights tote bag and any other container you have to play with. I was cleaning up the play attic recently and discovered that you had stuffed a pack of playing cards into your purple purse, which you had then stuffed into your Sofia backpack along with a bunch of play food and dishes and then you had stuffed all of that into your larger honeybee backpack along with several (very squished) stuffed animals. It was like a Russian nesting doll of bags and it was hilarious and amazing! Only you, Lila!

I am so proud to be your mama. While some kids balk at homework, you often want to finish an entire week's worth of homework in one day, so you'll sit at your desk for two hours and complete your whole homework packet. And if you don't understand your homework assignment, you don't get frustrated but listen patiently while I explain it to you. Many kids your age won't eat anything that isn't on a crust and covered with cheese but you enjoy a variety of foods, including kale salad and shrimp sushi. (The one thing you don't like is ironically a little-kid staple: peanut butter! You don't like the taste or even the smell.) At dismissal time at school, most kids see their caregivers, grab the teacher and shout, "I see my mom! I see my nanny!" before running out of the line to said caregiver. You patiently wait for your teacher to tap you on the shoulder and tell you that you can go. When DiDi is upset that I won't let him eat gummy bears, you put your arm around him and explain to him, "You can't eat candy now, okay? You have to eat your dinner first." You are a wonderful sister, a wonderful daughter and a wonderful person. I love you so much, Lilabear!

Love,
Mom

Sharing Is Caring

Dear Lila,

You had your class birthday party today and we celebrated with your classmates by sharing pizza, cupcakes and homemade candy cane sugar cookies with them and reading your special book about you, "The Little Girl Who Lost Her Name." The best part of the party for me, though, was seeing you take such good care of DiDi. You shared your chair with him and dutifully fed him pizza, cupcakes and juice without Daddy or I even asking you to do so. Thank you for always being such a good big sister!

Love,
Mom

Playing With Sprinkles

Dear Lila,

I love watching you play. It's so fascinating to see what imaginary scenarios you create in your mind with your toys . . . or any other objects you turn into playthings. Yesterday, you were helping me decorate your cake for your birthday party (this year's requested theme: Trolls!) and you were standing next to me at the kitchen counter. While I was arranging the Trolls figurines on top of the cake, you took two shorter bottles of sprinkles and made them "walk" up to a taller bottle of sprinkles. You said in a high-pitched voice, "Can you take us to the park?" Then you picked up the taller "mom" sprinkles and said, "Yes. Hold my hand." You walked all three bottles over to several tubes of frosting that were also on the counter and you said those were the cousins and proceeded to act out an afternoon at the park with the sprinkles kids and their frosting cousins. Watching you play that was more entertaining (and cuter!) than anything I've seen on TV!

And here are some party pics. You had so much fun playing in the make-believe town with your buddies!

Love,
Mom

Boyish Charm

Dear Lila,

On our way home from school today, we were talking about what you would like for Christmas. You said you want a princess Barbie and a Ken doll. Well, what you actually said was, "I really, really, really want a boy Barbie." When I asked you why you want a boy Barbie so much, you smiled this cheesy smile and told me, "I want to put the girl Barbie with the boy Barbie and make it look like they're kissing. And then they get married."

Oh dear. And so it starts!

Love,
Mom

A Cut Above

Dear Lila,

You have been able to safely use scissors on your own for a couple years now, so I had no concerns when I left you in your room while you were cutting pictures for your homework to go cook dinner. When I went back to check on you, though, I discovered that you had accidentally cut off a lot of your hair--your bangs had fallen in front of your face and you hadn't noticed that you were cutting them along with the paper. Luckily, you have a lot of hair and the way you cut it isn't even noticeable (I only realized what you had done when I saw all of the strands of hair on your desk).

Then before bedtime, you were cutting more pictures when you decided to lay the paper in your lap and cut it. And that's when you cut two giant slits in your brand-new pajama pants. Ack! Again luckily, you didn't cut your leg but maybe you do need some supervision with the scissors! :-P

Love,
Mom

Basic Black

Dear Lila,

We were walking around the neighborhood this afternoon when you suddenly pulled my arm and said to me, "That was a lot of black people." But no, you weren't being racially insensitive! We had just walked past a funeral home and a large group of people, who were actually Caucasian and all dressed in black for a funeral, were standing outside!

Love,
Mom

Warm Welcome

Dear Lila,

PoiPoi picked you up from school today and I was waiting for you guys in front of our house. When you were halfway down the block, PoiPoi saw me standing on the sidewalk and pointed me out to you. When you saw me, your face lit up, you shouted "Mamaaaaaaa!" and started running toward me. When you reached me, you jumped into my outstretched arms and gave me a big hug.

Best. Feeling. EVER!

Love,
Mom

A Thousand Mommies

Dear Lila,

At dinner tonight, you told me that you want me to have 1,000 baby girls. And I told you, "Hahaha! NO."

Then you said, "How about we have 1,000 mommies?" I made a sad face and asked you, "You want other mommies? You don't want just me?" You replied, "If we had 1,000 mommies, they could take care of the other babies and then you could take care of only me." I asked you, "So you just want me all to yourself?" You smiled the biggest smile, tipped your head to the side and said, "Yes."

Day made :-)

Love,
Mom

Mama's Mistake

Dear Lila,

You got a paper cut on your finger and like all paper cuts, it huuuuuurt. And I forgot about your paper cut when I was giving you a shower and rubbed soap right into it. You started crying and I washed the soap off as fast as I could. I felt so bad about making the cut worse and kept saying, "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" Between sobs, you managed to say, "It's okay, Mama. It was a mistake."

Thank you for being so mature and understanding!

Love,
Mom

Princess Paramedic

Dear Lila,

We went to the playground after school last Friday and there was a pretty traumatic incident while we were there. A girl your age fell off of the tall jungle gym, hit her head on the ground and laid there completely motionless and unresponsive for several minutes while her mom held her. I called 911, the paramedics came and the girl and her mom got in the ambulance and went to the hospital. I saw the girl's mom at your school today and she told me that the girl is thankfully 100% fine but whew, that was the scariest thing we had ever witnessed at the playground.

The whole thing left an impression on you. After the ambulance drove away, we were sitting on a bench and you told me, "When I grow up, I want to be a helper in an ambulance . . . And a princess."

Helpful and glamorous, I like it!

Love,
Mom

Shy Mode

Dear Lila,

You are definitely more outgoing than you were before but you still shut down around new people and go into "shy Lila mode" -- when a person you're not comfortable with talks to you, you look down at the ground, wiggle your foot back and forth and stick the tip of your tongue out of the corner of your mouth. Once I see that pose, I know that that person is not going to get any words out of you!

Love,
Mom

Ninja Turtle Chocolate

Dear Lila,

When I asked you what you wanted for breakfast today, you said you wanted bread with "Donatello" chocolate--you meant Nutella. Haha!

Love,
Mom

Sweet Gesture

Dear Lila,

You love chocolate but you love your little brother more! Daddy and I brought home some chocolates from a dinner we went to on Saturday and there were three more pieces left today so I gave two to you and one to DiDi. He quickly ate his and reached for one of yours. You initially pulled it out of his reach but then you hesitated, picked it up and handed it to him. Sweetie, that was so generous and kind! I know what a sweet tooth you have and I know how much you must have wanted that chocolate for yourself, so I am so proud of your thoughtfulness!

Love,
Mom

Tall Order

Dear Lila,

You and GuhGaw had your annual checkups today and you are in the 97th percentile for weight (51 pounds, 9 ounces) and the 99th percentile for height (3 feet, 9.5 inches). Actually, the doctor had to put down that your height is in the 99th percentile but you are in fact off the chart because you are so tall for your age! And your doctor said that if you continue to grow at the rate you've been growing, you will be 5'10" as an adult. I'm only 5'2" -- you are going to tower over me!

Love,
Shorty

Camped Out

Dear Lila,

One of the best things about your summer camp in Long Island was that it kept you busy. And I mean seriously busy. A 7-hour camp day could include music, tennis, instructional swim, free swim, computers AND arts & crafts. You got to experience so much and you really enjoyed it, but it was a lot to pack into one day. Daddy and I visited you on the camp's visiting day and we got tired just walking from activity to activity with you!

So I understood why you were so worn out this morning that you couldn't even get yourself out of bed. Today was actually supposed to be your last day at camp but you said you were so tired--and you looked so tired--so I let you stay home and you were more than happy to do so. You start dance camp next week but that will be an easy breezy 4-hour day (which includes lunch time), so I think that will be more your pace!

Love,
Mom

Best Big Sis

Dear Lila,

Whenever I ask you what you want to play, you almost always reply, "Family!" You love to pretend that you're a mom and that I'm your baby (and my baby name is always "JoJo," like your friend Ellie's baby sister). If your brothers are playing with us, GuhGaw is the dad and DiDi is your son (you usually name him "Max"). When I am busy doing housework, I often hear you and DiDi playing family on your own and you guys are so adorable! You push a bunch of toys--like the dollhouse, car slide and baby piano--into a corner to build the walls of your house and sit inside your house and imagine that you're eating lunch or getting a checkup from the doctor. You speak very sweetly to DiDi and are such a good pretend mom to him.

And you continue to be such a good real big sis to him. At dinner tonight, DiDi lost his balance on a chair (he refuses to sit in his high chair now and insists on sitting on a regular chair like the rest of us) and hit his head on the floor. He is okay but it was a pretty scary fall and he cried very hard. A few seconds after he started crying, you also started wailing and I thought you had suddenly bit your tongue while eating. I hugged you and DiDi at the same time and asked you what happened, if you were hurt. Between sobs, you managed to say, "I'm so scared for DiDi!" You were so worried about your baby brother, which was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. I'm so proud of you for being such a loving big sister!

Love,
Mom

The Best Baby

Dear Lila,

I love how much you love DiDi. You are so sweet toward him and it's so clear how much you care about him. You told me today, "Thank you for having the best baby." :-)

Love,
Mom

Summer Camp

Dear Lila,

You had your very first day of summer camp today! And to be honest, I was much more nervous than you were. GuhGaw has been to summer camp before but he went to the neighborhood one down the street from our house. He was only a 10-minute walk away and at a camp on a relatively small facility (one room, one playground area, one swimming pool). This year, Daddy and I decided to send you and him to a much bigger camp (30 acres complete with three swimming pools, five baseball fields, a sand volleyball court, a rock climbing wall and so much more) that is a 45-drive away in Long Island. I was nervous about you two being at a camp with hundreds of kids, about you riding a bus to camp and about you being so physically far away from me. But the camp sounds amazing (daily activities include martial arts, yoga, dance, basketball, science, drama and games, plus special events like magic shows, pony rides and field trips) and parents who have sent their kids there highly recommend it, so we are giving it a try this summer--and so far, so good!

You loved your first day! The camp bus picked you and GuhGaw up in front of our house at 8:30 this morning and when it dropped you off at 5pm, you guys were flushed, sweaty and beaming! You immediately began telling me about everything you did at camp and I have never heard you talk so excitedly or so much about anything! I listened to you for awhile and when I said I had to go upstairs for a minute, you said, "Wait, Mama! Can I tell you one more thing? No, wait, can I tell you two more things first?" At bedtime, you were still talking about camp and when I interrupted you, you said, almost sternly, "Mama, let me talk first."

I think it's safe to say that you're excited to go back tomorrow!

Love,
Mom

P.S. By the way, there were tears after you got on the bus this morning. Not from you, but from DiDi and me! I am not used to you being away for such a big chunk of the day and I missed you after you left. DiDi did, too, and burst into tears after your bus drove away and we went back inside the house. When we saw the bus pull up to our house in the afternoon, we both jumped up excitedly like dogs greeting their owners when they come home, haha!

Caribbean Getaway

Dear Lila,

We just returned from a week in St. Thomas and I am happy to report that there were no traumatic injuries, falls or face plants while we were there. However, we can't seem to avoid emergency rooms during our vacations--we had to take you to one when you came down with pinkeye several days into the trip. Luckily, it wasn't severe and you were still able to play in the pool--which you and your brothers did for hours every day!

When I go on vacation, I usually try to explore the city as much as I can and only go back to the hotel to sleep. This time, it was a complete departure from that because we only left the hotel two times in the seven days that we were there! (And one of those times was to take you to the doctor.) There was actually little reason to leave the hotel property:

-There was a private beach where we could borrow equipment to go kayaking, sailing and scuba diving.

-When we were at the hotel pool, servers periodically walked around and passed out free cookies, popsicles, fruit kebabs, cocktail samples (adults only!) and iced hand towels to cool us off.

-Next to the pool were corn hole game sets and a giant Connect 4 game board.

-We had access to an air-conditioned lounge where they served free breakfast, lunch and dinner.

-The lounge also featured unlimited bottled water, an all-day open bar, a cookie jar that was always filled with the BEST chocolate chip cookies and a nightly dessert buffet complete with cakes, brownies and chocolate fondue.

-And as if that weren't enough, the lounge had a kids' play area filled with toys, wagons and books in different languages. (The down side: I think that's where you caught pinkeye.)

Our suite was also really spacious (there was even one room with our own treadmill!) and had two large balconies that looked out into the Caribbean Sea, so yeah, staying at the hotel all day was not a huge sacrifice :-P Our daily schedule was: breakfast, beach, lunch, pool, more pool, showers, dinner, walk around hotel, hit the dessert buffet, pass out in bed! Several times, one or all three of you didn't eat dinner because you fell asleep right after your shower. On the first night, we managed to get everyone showered, dressed and to the restaurant but GuhGaw zonked out at the table before the waitress even brought us the bread!

We did tear ourselves away from the hotel one day to take a ferry and visit St. John, a neighboring island. And I'm glad we did because one of the beaches we went to there, Trunk Bay, was one of the most gorgeous beaches I've ever been to. The sand was soft and powdery and the water was clear and a shimmery shade of blue.

Another cool part of our trip was when we were at the hotel and some fishermen brought their fresh catches up to the beach:

The joke is that it's never really a "vacation" with kids but this one managed to be fun and relaxing. Our week in St. Thomas flew by!

Love,
Mom

Pre-K Grad

Dear Lila,

You graduated from pre-k today! You learned so much this year, from how to write your name and how to count to 100 to where polar bears live and which planets are in the solar system. You also became more confident and are a little more comfortable speaking up and participating in class. Your teachers only ever had positive things to say about you and said you were a joy to teach. You made several good friends this year, too, and always came out of school at the end of the day with a big smile on your face!

Daddy and I are proud of you!

Love,
Mom

Future Husband

Dear Lila,

You told me today that you and a boy in your class, Harrison, have decided that you are going to get married when you are grown-ups. He seems like a nice boy and he actually has the same last name as you, so that's convenient! :-)

Love,
Mom

Doctor In the House

Dear Lila,

You are always well-behaved in school, so you can imagine my surprise when your teacher pulled me aside to talk to me at pickup after school today. She looked at me very seriously and then proceeded to tell me that she had caught you and another one of your (female) classmates in the housekeeping corner kneeling on the floor with your pants and underwear pulled down around your ankles. Excuse me, what?? You are pretty reserved at school so your teacher (and I!) were surprised but on our way home, you explained to me that your friend had asked you to pull down your pants so that you could play doctor. Hahahahaha!

Love,
Mom

Gifted Girl

Dear Lila,

I already know you are gifted and talented and your score on the Gifted & Talented test confirmed it: You got a 95! Go, Lila!

Love,
Mom

About Face

Dear Lila,

I saw you drawing a smiley face and I told you that it was a nice smiley face. You replied, "It's not a smiley face. It's an emoji." How times have changed.

Love,
Mom

Tears of Love

Dear Lila,

When I tuck you in at night, you always ask if I can cuddle with you. Sometimes I can't because I have housework to do or school bags to pack or it's late and you need to fall asleep. But we get to cuddle at least a few times a week and it's one of my favorite things. I love laying next to you and talking to you about whatever comes to mind. You always insist that I wrap my arm around you and try to trick me into staying longer when I eventually get up ("Mama, one more huggie! One more kissie! I have to tell you a secret in your ear!"). The other night, I told you that I love you and that you are my favorite girl in the whole world. You said that I am your favorite girl in the whole world and then you started tearing. I asked you what was wrong and you replied, "I'm just crying because I love you so much." And then Mama started crying, too.

I love you to the moon and back, baby girl.

Love,
Mom

Remembering Uncle Tony

Dear Lila,

Today was Uncle Tony's memorial. I wasn't sure if I should bring you since you're so young and it was obviously going to be really sad but in the end, I decided that I wanted you to see how we honored him and his life. I asked you if you would like to go and you asked me, "Is it going to be boring? Are there going to be toys?" I said there wouldn't be toys but that there would be food. You immediately perked up and said, "I'll go for the food." You and your love of food!

The memorial was heartbreaking as expected but it was comforting for me to be with the friends and family who knew and love Uncle Tony. I liked hearing stories about him and how he made such a positive impact on so many people's lives. One of Uncle Tony's friends spoke about how there are two kinds of people: those who leave good footprints on your heart and those who leave bad footprints. He said that Uncle Tony definitely left good footprints and that no one ever had anything bad to say about Uncle Tony. Another friend talked about the fun road trips they took to New York. One friend even called in all the way from Australia to share her loving words and memories about your uncle.

Here is what I managed to say through my tears:

Hi everyone. My parents and I want to start off by saying thank you to all of you for coming here today to remember Tony and celebrate his life. The past few months have been unbearable but the things that have gotten us through them have been meeting Tony's friends, hearing your stories, seeing your photos and reading all of your Facebook posts about him. You have helped keep him alive through your memories and it has been comforting and truly beautiful to realize how much Tony was and always will be loved.

In one of my favorite photos, Tony is wearing a T-shirt that says, "What? I can't hear you over the sound of my awesomeness!" I laugh every time I see that shirt because it's funny and because it's true. Who is cooler than Tony? He would call up his friends at 2 am and take them on spontaneous road trips to New York. He had a stand-up comedy act. He was a stylish dresser and showed up everywhere in a suit and tie (and for those of you who ever wondered--yes, he DID own sweatpants and even wore them occasionally). He piloted a small plane once and managed not to crash it. He did crash his car a lot but stayed out of trouble with my parents by always blaming it on a "deer." And he started Smokescreen Magazine, where it was his actual job to find and hang out with pretty girls every day. #everyguy'sdreamjob

There were no bounds to Tony's awesomeness. He was funny and outgoing and always up for an adventure. He spoke what was on his mind and was never afraid to be himself. He was a genuine and caring person who put everyone before himself. And he was the strongest person I know. Throughout his whole battle, I never once saw him complain, cry or let on that he was scared. Tony stayed positive and made jokes through to the very end and that kind of awesomeness is a gift to everyone who was lucky enough to witness it.

I love you, Tony, and miss you so much every day.

********

One of Uncle Tony's friend made a nice slideshow to play during the memorial and he printed a magazine filled with photos and memories of Uncle Tony. That friend and his fiancee also put together an amazing cookie table, which included sugar cookies decorated with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Uncle Tony would have liked all of it. You met one of Uncle Tony's friend's daughter, who is only 5 years old but bravely stood in front of everyone and spoke about how much she loves Uncle Tony and will miss playing with him. The two of you had fun playing and coloring together. And yes, you did enjoy all of the food!

I know today must have been sad and also a little confusing for you, but I hope you could see that while he lived a short life, Uncle Tony had a good one filled with so many people who cared and will always care about him.

Love,
Mom

Lady Goo Goo Ga Ga

Dear Lila,

It's so cute the way you say "hossible" instead of hospital. And it made me smile when I showed you the Lady Gaga Super Bowl halftime show and the next day, you asked if we could watch the "Goo Goo Ga Ga Super Bowl." :-)

Love,
Mom

Royal Aspirations

Dear Lila,

I was brushing your teeth tonight when you informed me that when you grow up, you want to be . . . wait for it . . . a princess. I asked you if you were sure, if you wouldn't rather be a doctor or a teacher or an artist. You said no, you want to be a princess. *sigh* I feel as if I've failed you.

Love,
Mom

Fishy Game

Dear Lila,

I walked by the study today and you and Sawyer had pushed your armchairs together and were standing on them. You had also tied long ribbons around the necks of a stuffed Elmo and teddy bear and were swinging them around. Slightly horrified that you were pretending to strangle your toys, I asked you what you guys were doing. You replied, "We're fishing! I caught a red Elmo!" I love your imagination!

Love,
Mom

Uncle Tony

Dear Lila,

Your Uncle Tony always loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. What's not to love? They are superheroes who fight crime, make wisecracks all of the time and crave pizza. And they aren't so different from Uncle Tony, who grew up on Pizza Hut, was always ready with a funny comment for everything and was a real-life superhero who made so many people's lives better just by being a part of them.

I met many of Uncle Tony's friends last week and all of them said the same thing: Tony made the world a better place. Whether he was joking around to cheer up a sad friend, encouraging another friend to pursue her dream job or just holding a girl's purse so she wouldn't lose it at a bar, he always looked out for others and lit up any room with his humor and positive attitude.

Uncle Tony was truly a superhero because he was strong enough to maintain that humor and positive attitude even when he was diagnosed with brain cancer not just once, but twice. When GongGong, PoiPoi and I wanted to crumple into a heap onto the floor, Uncle Tony was the one who made us laugh and lifted our spirits when we were the ones who should have been doing that for him. His strength never wavered during his countless treatments and surgeries and even when his entire body was literally failing him and he couldn't even speak, he still found the power to give the doctors an optimistic thumbs-up sign and playfully stick out his tongue at us.

I will never be able to process this loss, the fact that I will never hug my brother again or text him about our favorite shows or have lengthy conversations with him about how crazy our parents are. It is unreal and unfair that he was taken at such a young age when he had so much more to accomplish. And it truly breaks my heart that you probably won't remember him and that he will not be here to see you grow up. Uncle Tony was my baby brother and I do not know how I will make it through the rest of my life without him. I wish that you didn't have to go through the rest of your life without him. But if anything, Uncle Tony taught us all how to stay strong even in the darkest hours.

I miss Uncle Tony so unbearably much, but he will stay alive in our memories and I will talk about him all of the time so that you, GuhGaw and DiDi will always remember what an amazing, special and undeniably super uncle you guys had.

Love,
Mom